The author and her mother, Analise Brown, circa 2000

My mom died on July 18, 2021.

I’ve been in a weird in-between state, half awake and half-sleep.

I wanted to post on social media a funny experience I had with my sons but I could not bring myself to share it.

I cannot share the few glimpses of light…


**Trigger Warning: The following contains mentions of physical and sexual abuse, suicide, and mental illness. Be advised***

Me, the author, at 8 years old.

Every time I swallow his name without revealing his identity when I speak on my past, the poison becomes a little more potent and I kill myself to protect a person who violated…


Credit: Cartoon Network

*****Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional or expert.*****

I was an adult when I received formal diagnoses, but the truth was I had suffered from anxiety all my life and depression and PTSD since I was 8 years old. After a particularly rough pregnancy with my third son…


Photo by David Geib from Pexels

What a privileged thing to say “I have no regrets”. Having no regrets is the implication that you always had a choice. Having no regrets is the assumption that you are fully cognizant of the ramifications of those decisions as you make them. I remember being in my 20s reflecting…


Photo of the author about a year after the attempt

***Trigger Warning this article includes subjects of suicide, domestic violence, and sexual assault. Please be advised. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800–273–8255***

It was a warmer day than Buffalo, NY was used to in October. I woke up…


“Don’t let them people make you come out of character.”

Photo by Mike Von on Unsplash

‘Out of character’ is a phrase used notoriously by black women to try to explain displays of public anger or hostility. Recently, during a girls' night out, my friends and I were discussing boundaries. After discussing an event that happened…


Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

*****BE ADVISED: Graphic depiction of bodily fluids and miscarriage*****

One sunny day in August of 2009, I woke up in my on-campus apartment having the most intense cramps I had ever had. To be clear, I’ve had the kind of cramps that have required Demerol, so when I say these…


me in all my blackity blackness (author)

I’m proud to be a black woman. I love who I am and I understand the rich history of how I came to be.

I’m ashamed to be a black woman. I understand the stereotypes and the implicit biases that follow me and my name wherever I go.

I’m not…


Photo by JoEllen Moths from Pexels

I was recently in a debate on Facebook with another mother about the suicide of a young athlete, Bryce Gowdy. I commented about his mother’s tone as she said “he was talking crazy” and “he asked to hold my hand but I told him to toughen up.” The woman, who…

Anessah Barker

Both a keeper and a weeper. A writer, a wife, a mother, and a life long scholar. BA English Literature(2013), M.LIS(2018), current MSW student. She/Her/Hers

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